Spitting on pedestrians has become a problem on the ritzy Upper East Side of Manhattan. Photo art by Michelle.

New Yorkers are notorious for their pushiness, bluntness, and at times, for being downright rude and lewd. I’m certainly not the embodiment of “Miss Manners”, or as well-versed in etiquette as the Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, however, this I know: PUBLIC SPITTING MUST STOP NOW!

For the several years that I’ve lived in New York City, a city of eight million, I’ve witnessed many uncouth and disgusting displays of human interaction (well, assuming they were human). Common sightings include drunken bar brawls, feuding lovers, insane cab drivers, dueling transvestites, the trampling of the homeless, public urination, defecation and public transit masturbation. Really, New Yorkers have seen it all, and yes, at times life here seems to simulate an episode of Seinfeld.

Don’t get me wrong – the city CAN BE an amazingly wonderful and exhilarating place. Although, there are just some days that my threshold for the usual public assholeness is beyond intolerant.

Exceptions can be made for the ill, or for people who really can’t help themselves. For example, a few weeks ago I was about to swipe my Metrocard at a subway turnstile, when I noticed it was raining indoors just a few feet away from me. As I was pondering to myself, “Where the hell is that leak coming from?”, I then noticed a woman in a business jacket and skirt was “leaking” just a yard away from my ballet flats. Too dumbfounded to pull my cell phone out to capture the totally public event, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for this woman, yet nervously I giggled my “watching a train wreck” idiotic laugh. That poor woman’s humiliating incontinence was a clear exception.

However, one thing that is completely unacceptable can best be described by another recent event involving someone’s saliva hurling through the air towards my feet. As I was walking towards Park Avenue on a tree-lined street on the Upper East Side one pleasant afternoon, an off duty doorman hocked a loogie at my freakin’ toes. Shocked and disgusted I nearly slipped in his puddle of slobber. WTF?!!! This jerk WAITED until someone was walking right by to SPIT AT THEM. To top it off, right in front of a CHURCH! Out of the corner of my eye, I gave him a severely disapproving glance (to say the least). As if being nearly spat on wasn’t bad enough, that jerk, with cigarette in mouth and cell phone in hand, called ME a “F*CKING BITCH“!!!  I started to walk away, as it was obvious this Napoleon-sized, insolent little man had bigger issues (and one of them probably being a lesser man in the pants). But that sunny afternoon, I was NOT going to let it slide (even though I nearly did)!  I turned on my heels and did a one-eighty.  Once he saw that I was headed back his way, he continued his salutation of “F*CK YOU BITCH“.  I furiously inquired why he attempted to spit on me and his response was, “Well, it’s not like I actually hit you.  Just almost” .  As a crowd began to gather, I asked him if his mother was a camel and if that’s the reason why he was unable to curb his urge to sputter out spittle.

Turns out that HE INDEED MUST be a camel man hybrid, because he was at a complete and utter loss for words.  Or rather, it’s more likely that his vocabulary is limited to just three insulting one-syllable words and a giant gob of gooey mouth spew.

I take pride in my sense of diplomacy; I have empathy for people who have overactive salivary glands.   Truly, I do.  However, I refuse to tolerate spitting misogynist asses.  And if “bitch” means not being a pushover, and having SELF-RESPECT and RESPECT FOR OTHERS, then by all means I AM A “BITCH”.

Dear readers, are you also sick and tired of lacking manners and non-existent general decency?  Please comment and share your thoughts and experiences!